(in the way of your full power)
Self-care has been a hot topic for some time now, and rightfully so.
Collectively, we are going through massive shifts. Can you feel them? It might look and feel like chaos. That’s ok. Galaxies are created from chaos. With the world in upheaval, we grow. But it’s not a comfortable process. We are being called forth and outside of our comfort zones. Old ways are being confronted. Rigid beliefs are being challenged. It is during these times of growth and expansion that our own default ways of being, or survival mechanisms, are likely to show up (for most people!) and can be sources of incredible judgement both within ourselves and toward others. The sensitive feelers and healers are on the “front lines” of feeling this energy, but it is impacting everyone.
As we take on new and bigger roles in our lives, as we use our voices and actions in new ways to ignite change, we are invited out of our comfort zones. When we are outside of our comfort zones, by default, our sympathetic nervous systems can become activated. We go into fight or flight mode. Only this time, it’s not saber tooth tigers we are “fighting,” it is each other. And in most cases, our open hearts, our compassion, our willingness to look at things in a new way, our creative resourcefulness and our inner wisdom to see the inter-connectedness of us all and the solutions available to us as we move through this are what is needed. Not our legs or our fists.
Being in “fight or flight” for extended periods of time can wreak havoc on our energetic bodies and leave us ineffective in our commitments. Taking care of ourselves is essential.
I have come to believe taking care of oneself is a natural, instinctive behavior that many people have been taught out of over time. Many of us, especially women, do not see true, prioritized, self-care as a viable option in our current lives. There are overarching societal beliefs that keep this status quo in place, meanwhile keeping us stuck, collectively tired, and disconnected from our inner wisdom.
Access to our inner wisdom is what we need to “fight this battle.” We do not have access to that from fight or flight mode. To de-activate or calm our sympathetic nervous systems on a regular basis, in our current society, requires intention.
Here is what might be in the way:
Myth #1: Getting your needs met can only happen at the expense of someone else’s needs.
Looking through an evolutionary lens can be helpful here. We used to live in tribes. We had natural support systems and time built in. Nobody lost out when someone else took care of themselves. While the structure of our lives is different now, the principle remains. What is good for one, is good for the whole. When we can see and embrace this, and get outside of the idea that self-care is selfish, a whole new world of options opens up for us.
Resolution: Look for win/wins.
Myth #2: Self-Care is selfish.
There seems to be this idea that to take on the level of self-care that would really make a difference for you, is selfish. It’s not selfish, it’s just inconvenient (in our current society). When our partners and spouses are also overtaxed, or when someone is being asked to do something outside of their comfort zone, they may have exasperated responses. That does not mean you are wrong for asking for/wanting/needing that. It’s just going to take something different than what they (or you) currently know in order to make it happen.
Different than what we know = outside the comfort zone = uncomfortable.
It seems there may be a fear that we will stop being who we are, caring for the people we love and/or become neglectful. On the contrary, a dear friend and colleague, Jeanne Loehnis of Songs for your Spirit Life Coaching once said, “the more I take care of me, the more I’m accused of being generous!” Acts of service are no longer such when it comes at one’s own expense.
Resolution: Don’t take someone else’s reaction personal. Self-care is not a want, it’s a need and is critical to a thriving, connected, sourced, loving, present energy.
Myth #3: Self-Care is expensive, indulgent, self-pampering. A luxury only afforded to a select few or needing to be planned and budgeted for far in advance.
…and therefore we should feel guilty for doing it. Now, do not get me wrong here, expensive, indulgent, self-pampering can be an amazing part of your unique self-care ritual but a self-care ritual is not necessarily that. Self-care can be a loving hand to the heart, a comforting word of reassurance, a simple pause and a breath. Self-care can be stepping outside for 5 minutes and putting your feet in the grass (yes, even at work). Self-care can be a warm bath at the end (or beginning) of the day, a short (or long) meditation, a few downward dogs on the yoga mat at home. 20 minutes of journaling. Preparing a dish you are in the mood for. Think tiny moments like solar panels sourcing you throughout your day vs a plug in to charge at the end of the night.
Resolution: Your personal self-care ritual can (and should) be as unique to you as you are to the world. It is ultimately about noticing your needs, caring about them, and being intentional to meet them, despite the judgement your inner critic may have about it.
Myth #4: Self-care is time consuming.
Some can be, and it’s not required. On the contrary, tracking your energetic cycles and creating more space when you know you’ll want it, or scheduling in creative projects for high energy times in the same way we plan for holidays (“Op that’s coming, I’ll know not to schedule anything extra in around that time”) can be a huge time and energy saver. Moreover, when you are sourced and connected to your inner wisdom, projects that would generally take several hours from survival mechanism, can take mere minutes from creative flow.
Resolution: Many highly effective self-care practices take 30 minutes or less and can save you time in the long run.
Myth #5: Perfection is attainable.
Define perfect? When we are going for the illusion of perfect, it is easy to fall into “all or nothing” habits. There is no getting it right here, we’re talking workability, not perfection. The more you prioritize it, the easier it will become, not only because it becomes part of our comfort zone, but also because you have more creative resourcefulness at your disposal to create space for yourself.
Resolution: Workability
When we are sourced and cared for ourselves and in connection with our own sacred spirit first and foremost, we are exponentially generous and loving to all others as well. We are life giving. We need this version of humanity to step forward for the sake of all of us, for the health of the planet, and for our own joy and fulfillment. It can feel scary to imagine each of us turning inward and caring for ourselves first but this fear contributes to our disconnection and steals our power. It is really just an unknown space, outside the comfort zone of many. Rest assured what it seems like on first glance is not what it is. Imagine the power of connected, sourced, loving, present energies united.
About the author: Sarah Crawford is a life coach who works with super sensitive souls to understand and care for the gift of their sensitivity so that they can live more authentic, fulfilling and energy rich lives. www.SitawiLifeCoaching.com Join her Facebook group for more discussion on this and other topics relevant to HSP’s and Empaths.